For months I have felt I have nothing to say or give to the world and days went by on autopilot. I found this deeply frustrating because everything in my life seemed to be in order and I thought I was concentrating on the right things. Eventually I had to admit something was not right and, in fact, these were symptoms of high stress levels. I was forced to dig deeper into my frustration… And I was not too fond of the pain I went through.
While I have been able to handle emotions quite well in the past, I – the coach – I had let something crucial slip through my own consciousness. I wouldn’t have figured it out had I not I taken the whole process to the next level by surrendering to the negative emotions completely and meditating meticuously for this sole purpose. And, here’s the thing that eventually changed my world: I started asking myself, how is this event serving me? What is it I need to learn? Is there something I have overlooked in the past?
I realised that like so many other, I as well was very much afraid of making mistakes and there were still traces of not being enough or worthy. To my great surprise I have had a belief that if I make mistakes, I am not perfect. And if I am not perfect, I am not worthy of love. So, to be be worthy of love I have been extremely critical about EVERYTHING I do. There simply isn’t room for mistakes! And nothing has been enough, leading to disappointment of succeeding.
In the process also understood that if someone gets upset with me for offering to help or support, I am not to blame. If someone gets upset with me for no apparent reason, I have not automatically done something wrong. And here’s the best part I reckon:
It is ok for me to walk away from things and people who make me feel there is something wrong with me.
Looking back, too many times I have believed the others are automatically right and it is me who needs to fix herself or try to do more and better to be accepted.
It was also mind-blowing to realise that I have created the blaming and guilt-tripping all on my own. The silver lining here is that since it is me who created this too high criteria for my success, it is me – and me alone in fact – who has the power to lower the bar as well.
To my relief, at the same time, I learned to feel compassion towards the people whose buttons I had pushed by being (too) kind. Can you really be too kind? For some, yes. In their shoes, with their background, life experience and inner “code-of-conduct” I probably would have an ’allergic reaction’ exactly same way. In other words, I stopped blaming them for treating me wrong.
Not so much because they deserved my forgiveness but because I deserved to be free from the negative attachments. I was able to forgive without hearing an apology.
My Recipe for a Serene Mind
For me, making concerted efforts in coding my subconscious mind with new, better serving thoughts on a daily basis and decision not to run away from the pain have resulted in serenity I have NEVER FELT BEFORE. It. Is. Amazing. And I want to share the recipe with you as well:
- Meditate daily for 5–10 minutes for example right before falling asleep or right after you have woken up when your subconsious mind is still fairly open to good, mind-lifting and encouraging suggestions such as saying at least ten times to yourself ’I am enough’, ’I am worthy’. If 20 minutes is not too much, here’s one piece on Youtube that might help you take the first step to clear your mind to give space for the good suggestions. I often choose guided gratitude meditations as well. It has been shown in a number of research that mediation is a great tool for stress management!
- When you feel any discomfort:
- take 5–10 minutes to be on your own and sit quietly with your eyes shut.
- Stop fighting against the negative feeling. Surrender to them and face them. If possible, write them on a peace of paper which you can then later on destroy.
- Allow yourself to feel the feeling and pain. It’s important to cry when needed.
- Finally ask yourself, how is this feeling and event serving me? Where is this leading me to? What can I learn from this? How can I go forward?
These are only examples of question you can ask, but why ask the questions in the first place? Well, do you know your grandfather’s birthday? Or what week day you were born?
Regardless of whether you know the answer or not, you did start looking for the answer, didn’t you?
Mind is miraculous as it can’t help but start searching for the answers for the questions posed to it. Eventually you will find the answers – but you need to resilient and patient as it might take while to come to the surface of your consciousness.
So, if you are persistent and follow the steps above, I bet within a month you’ll see a change in yourself. And when you change the inside, the way you look at things changes even though the object of your attention has not. I call that magic! Furthermore:
Learning ways how to handle stressful situations is the best you can ever do for yourself and your wellbeing.
It does require work and no-one else can do it for you: deleting and unlearning your old ways of being and adopting new ways to think, react and act. But the peaceful mind you get as a result is worth every penny and minute you spend.